How to Stay Sturdy During Stressful Times
Lately, amidst stressful collective times, I’ve experienced what feels like a particularly modern form of cognitive dissonance - and I know I'm not alone.
Let me try and convey a snapshot of how it's been for me recently:
My seven-year-old daughter hands me flowers - ahhh, and now she's got pinkeye (again!). My family celebrated me on Mother's Day so sweetly, and yesterday I breathed in the scent of budding lilacs and contentedly tended my raspberry plot. I'm excited about creating a group coaching program for the fall. I exchange voice audio messages with dear friends, intimate heart-to-hearts threaded into our busy lives. We need eye drops and antihistamines, I've got laundry to fold... and always, 'what's for dinner?'
Yet, woven through minutia and mundanity, I scroll through Instagram or tune into the news and witness suffering in our world that feels so horrific that I'm gutted.
This Mother's Day, I could not stop knowing that too many mothers cannot protect their children from hunger, displacement and death. Too many mothers are in anguish at their loved ones being held hostage. My god, we cannot seem to transcend our worst capacities: our tendency to 'other' one another and resort to violence rather than navigate conflict peacefully, committed to justice and generativity.
The Great Mother, our home and very life support system, tilts precariously towards an unlivable future: I let that gravitas land only in titrated measure, moment to moment, as I can bear it. There's so much I feel far too small to influence.
My brain toggles between my privileged, stable daily life (with all its joys, dramas, discomforts and growth edges) juxtaposed alongside comprehending collective threat and suffering. I'll be humming along, tidying contentedly and then, moments later, sob for a few minutes on my bed... and then it's onwards to email.
It's a strange time to be alive. It feels hard to hold multiple realities... and yet essential to figure out ways to stay engaged without getting flooded or going disassociated and numb.
I remain determined to be as sturdy and helpful as I can - and I'm taking a course right now with Thomas Hübl on healing trauma and deepening resilience in times of 'polycrisis.' It's comforting to gather virtually with others to focus on these themes.
Below, I share some of the resources that have helped, taught, uplifted or enriched me lately (quite a gamut!), in case they enliven you.
I want to help all of us to feel sturdy and to access creativity and resourcefulness in these challenging times. I still believe that we deserve to thrive.
Related Resources:
Mother's Day began as a call to action to improve the lives of families through health and peace. I needed this timely historic primer as a balm: I want all mothers and children to be fed, safe, and protected.
I continue to pay attention to the conflict in the Middle East and its global ripples. The resources I have most recently appreciated include: Watching the Protests from Israel; What is Love Asking From Us? Reflections on Gaza and the Bodhisattva Path; Living with a Courageous Heart in Times of Crisis
21 Lessons for the 21st Century, book by Yuval Noah Harari
Radical Hope: Ethics in the Face of Cultural Devastation, book by Jonathan Lear
My top pick if you need a laugh: Martin Short & Steve Martin
How to Stay Sturdy in Stressful Times:
I also believe that in difficult times, we need each other more than ever - and that softening, slowing down and creating space to reflect, listen and share is crucial.
I encourage you to consider what practices, people or conditions help you nurture a regulated nervous system. It seems to me that if we want to be responsible to one another and the future we want, we need to be response-able: capable of conscious, creative choices and not just get stuck in reactivity.
Especially when we feel overwhelmed by the painful realities in our world or emotionally overloaded.
That means figuring out how to widen our capacity to tolerate the stressors of today’s complex, uncertain, volatile, and ambiguous times - so that we can remain as agile and steady as possible.
Questions You Might Ask Yourself:
Who in your life provides compassionate listening or a grounded presence that helps you feel safe to feel and to talk about, digest and metabolize painful emotions?
Do you need meditation, prayer or time in nature? What restores you?
What habits or practices soothe, enliven and sustain you?
What boundaries do you need to pace your consumption of news or distressing data sources?
Turn your suffering into art: what creative practices help you during times of difficulty or pain?
What ethical action is called for in your life… in your sphere of influence?
If this blog resonates with you, please join my newsletter. I’ll write more on related topics and offer workshops and events (some free) that provide support - to individuals and small groups - as we navigate our lives in these intense times. I’d love to learn alongside you and keep in touch. 💞
If you want to share in the comments below what helps you stay sturdy, I’d love to hear!
Wishing us all stability and well-being, as we continue into May.
P.S. Coaching can help you cultivate your emotional resilience, make powerful decisions, and to establish and nurture healthy rituals. Please get in touch with me here if you want support for your sturdiness in stressful times. I’d love to hear what you most need these days. XO
Nicola Holmes is a Change & Transition Coach who helps people turn their potent questions, dreams and goals into inspired action. With warmth and wisdom, she’ll guide you to untangle constraints and cultivate courage to create a more aligned and joyful life. She has a BASc in Human Development, an MEd in Adult Learning and spent two decades working in the non-profit sector. Along with coaching for 16 years, she’s mama to two spirited kids and devoted to Buddhism. Having recently experienced long-Covid and a move, she brings empathy to others exploring how they’ve changed and who they’re becoming in turbulent times. Check out Nicola @nicolaholmescoach or join the email party for encouragement to fuel the changes you want (including free coaching opportunities).