The Courage to Do Less
The Courage To Do Less
I’m writing this in early-mid September 2024.
I have young kids who are nine and seven years old, we’re deep in the back-to-school transition, and it's that time of year to sign up for fall activities.
Instead of feeling excited about the myriad invitations streaming into my inbox, I notice resistance. Adding commitments to my plate feels burdening, not enlivening.
Summer was incredible - we sucked the juice out of it! - but suddenly I feel in sync with autumn rhythms: I don’t want to rev up, I want to gear down.
I think I’m not alone in feeling tired. In addition to summer’s bustle and the usual slings and arrows of life, I’m guessing that many of us have been collectively worn down by:
wars, genocides, a global pandemic, inflation and climate chaos
political drama and social fragmentation
the constant hijacking of our attention by screens
I’m longing to embrace less. You, too?
I’m going to run an experiment in simplicity this fall - not just in the amount of activities and projects I choose for myself but in how I curate this for my family. (Yup, like many women in heterosexual partnerships, I’m the household COO).
I’m going to exert leadership to reduce our pace and the sheer volume of our commitments. Right now, both of my kids will start indoor soccer in October and my son will join Boy Scouts (only because it’s a 2-minute walk from our house!). That’s it for their extracurriculars.
Embracing this intention feels like getting off a too-fast treadmill. Anticipating simpler routines, spacious evenings and relatively open weekends evokes a sigh of relief.
I’m tired of rushing, the hasty dinners, the incessant motion required when juggling a ton of transitions and timelines. Maybe I’ll swing the pendulum too far: perhaps we’ll get bored, stir-crazy or resort to numbing amounts of screen time. But I’m willing to take that risk.
Courage does seem required. I notice that I feel:
oddly disoriented at the idea of reducing plans (I tend to be Type A mixed with enthusiasm plus a little ADHD: my calendar is usually bursting at the seams!) AND
like I’m stepping off of the middle class script of ‘good parenting’ in which children seem to be doing a handful of enriching extracurriculars at all times
But I’m so curious what a season of LESS will bring!
What blessings might you experience if you gave yourself the gift of less?
The Benefits of Less
Here’s what I’m hoping for:
Reduced decision-fatigue
More time to cook meals, do dishes, and fold laundry at a peaceful pace
Restoration and replenishment
A break from feeling driven by my schedule and to-do list
More space for the foundations: exercise, sleep, and healthy food
Less friction in constantly trying to get the kids ready for the-next-thing
More time for family play: cards, ping pong, silly little joys
Relaxation, spontaneity and presence
I wonder if I might tackle some household projects that have felt elusive for months… I can dream!
Can you think of anything else that less might nurture?
Hey, maybe I’m wrong about cultivating the above - but I can’t wait to experiment and find out.
“Yutori: a Japanese concept of spaciousness. Slowing down to simply breathe and savour life. Intentionally creating space to relax and reflect without being under constant pressure.”
How to Do Less
So how does one actually nurture spaciousness, simplicity and that sense of lightening our load?
On the hand, it seems pragmatic.
Common ways to do less include reducing:
Stuff
Commitments
Plans
Pace
Decision-Making & Attention Overload
That may sound straightforward.
But doing less requires us to discern our priorities, confront the limits of our capacities and to develop the fortitude to make sacrifices.
I also think that less isn’t to be mistaken for sterile minimalism. Rather, I believe that we want less so that we actually have more: we want to honor what matters most and to have white space around that.
We yearn for a life that - as Marie Kondo might say - sparks joy.
So, in pursuit of less, we may have to ask ourselves:
Among many competing options, what do I value most right now?
Where do I want to say ‘yes’ and commit myself?
Where do I need to say ‘no,’ ‘not anymore,’ or ‘not now’?
We may need to scrape the deck clean and rebuild, negotiate commitments that have been on autopilot, decline amazing opportunities - or even deeply rethink the fundamentals of how we’re living.
Asking ourselves these questions and facing the honest answers requires courage.
We often maintain overstuffed, rushed lives rather than slow down to make conscious decisions about what we will keep, let go of and nurture.
In the myth of Vasalisa the Wise (recommend the telling in Women Who Run with the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés), there is a symbolic ritual in which the protagonist must separate a pile of dirt and poppy seeds.
To nurture a vital life, we, too must endlessly discern birth-death cycles:
What are the ‘seeds’ that you want to encourage in this life season?
What is dying or needs to die and be released?
Sorting through our priorities in service of choosing less is simple yet challenging.
I think we can all understand the concept of lightening our loads: decluttering our homes, our calendars, our to-do lists, reflecting on our rhythms and routines.
But what is required to actually do less can be confronting.
The other contradiction is that we often have to invest upfront energy to make decisions or create new systems in order to experience less.
If you’re still reading, I’m guessing it’s because some part of you also longs for the gifts of less: simplicity, spaciousness, and presence. Please let me offer a suggestion: ok, so one tip I always love to offer my clients who are nurturing change in their lives is to start small. Think, baby steps. Turtle steps. Micro movements.
It’s so tempting to idealize the big leaps, the dramatic and radical shifts. But in my experience, there is wisdom, power and sustainability in tiny, persistent changes - that ultimately have the potency to transform our lives.
So, for me, my primary experiment with experiencing less this autumn will be to focus on reducing our activities and plans. I won’t also overhaul multiple routines, aspire to break or start new habits or to declutter the whole house.
Less IS more (how meta!).
I’ll aim to create more white space in our calendars and to reduce the amount of transitions in our daily lives. That’s it. If it feels good, we can layer in more evolution as we go.
So, what’s the first place you want to start: and what’s ONE initial experiment for you?
I’ll share related resources below - and if you want further support to clarify your priorities, please join me for “Map Your Next Quarter,” a free virtual event coming up on September 30th:
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.
As you simplify life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.”
Related Resources:
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, by Greg McKeown
The Not So Big Life, Making Room For What Really Matters, by Sarah Susanka
Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier and More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne, MEd with Lisa M. Ross
How to Break Up With Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life, by Catherine Price
Safe to Rest, a free worksheet and audio guide for those who chronically over-do
If you want deeper support to slow down or simplify your life, please book a coaching consultation. Let’s chat and explore what else is possible for you.
Meanwhile, I’ll be experimenting with less - and I’d love to hear in the comments below if this post resonates!
P.S. Please join my newsletter for encouragement, inspiration and resources for the changes you want. I’ll soon be offering free workshops on decision-making, courage-based goals and more. Let’s keep in touch. 💞
Nicola Holmes is a Change & Transition Coach who helps people turn their potent questions, dreams and goals into inspired action. With warmth and wisdom, she’ll guide you to untangle constraints and cultivate courage to create a more aligned and joyful life. She has a BASc in Human Development, an MEd in Adult Learning and spent two decades working in the non-profit sector. Along with coaching for 16 years, she’s mama to two spirited kids and devoted to Buddhism. Having recently experienced long-Covid and a move, she brings empathy to others exploring how they’ve changed and who they’re becoming in turbulent times. Check out Nicola @nicolaholmescoach or join the email party for encouragement to fuel the changes you want (including free coaching opportunities!).